Men and Microwaves

I’m pretty sure that among the majority of men there are standard procedures for certain things.

One of those things are microwaves.

I can’t remember one time in my 20+ years in the fire service that I didn’t have to reset a microwave before I could use it.

3 seconds left…..

It’s time to get real with my out-of-shape ass, UPDATE…

So this is happening. Lord help me. The Sunny Indoor Cycle Bike. With Amazon Prime it will be here in 2 days.

I’ll let you know if I even survive even putting it together. Ha!

Update…It’s here!! I am still amazed by Amazon Prime every time I use it. A cycling bike shipped in 2 days??? You better believe it! And a HUGE shout out to UPS and USPS for busting their butts getting stuff to the doorstep!

I thought for sure it would be a cuss-fest trying to put it together. But as you can see, #1 my awesome husband tackled it and #2 it came pretty much put together. What you see above is how it came. It only took him about 30 minutes.

I have always been hesitant to buy one of these. I figured it would #1 cost an arm and a leg and #2 the bike would turn into a clothing rack.

But I was super happy with the price. Amazon has financing as well if you want smaller payments. I use Amazon so much that I had a ton of “rewards” AKA dollars to use towards it.

A while back I gave up going to an awesome place… CrossFit Hixson. www.crossfithixson.com I wasn’t able to make it to the scheduled WODs due to our funky life schedule. I truly miss it because of the people and the awesome lessons I learned about myself, my body, and my body image.

Because of our schedule I bought myself a barbell and some weights to use at the house. Another Amazon Prime, got it all in 2 days purchase!

As much as I love dynamic exercise and lifting, I desperately needed to add cardio. Well, anyone who knows me knows that my left ankle has always been a hot mess. And then a week ago I turned my right ankle for the first time. Anyone with ankle issues knows that it’s over for that ankle too. Ha!

And anyone who knows me well knows I only run from cops and bears, because, running is stupid. Hence the spin bike.

So now I’ve got to add my mental health portion…

Somehow I’ve gotten to this place where I’m ready to get back to my old self. The one that took care of her physical self. The one that took time to enjoy her hobbies. The one who found joy in so many things.

That person was gone for a long time thanks to one homegrown terrorist asshole. Or at least that was the tipping point.

So if you think you can’t or you will never be ready, give yourself a break. But at the same time, get up every day, eat something, take a shower, and put one foot in front of the other. Eventually those footsteps won’t be so damn heavy.

And if you even need a neutral ear, I’m here. Sometime a stranger can listen better than anyone. I have a Master’s degree in Counseling, so I understand confidentiality 100%. I’m not license but I can still listen. And that may be all you need to get steppin’. Just send me a message through my email, fieryandflawed@gmail.com.

Thanks for stopping by!

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Mosquitoes

I posted this blog last year and feel that it is one that should be shared every time it gets warm and the flying assholes emerge.

Mosquitoes love me. Especially the pterodactyl kind. Every summer for the past several years has been miserable. I even said “forget it” to gardening, something I love, thanks to those blood suckers.

I’m serious people. The mosquitoes in our yard are like….carry-your-kid-off huge, Pterodactyls…..

#jurassicworld

Around March of this year I decided that I should finally follow my mother’s advice (it’s only taken about 42 years). She’s always said to take B vitamins every day for stress and jaw-clenching… something I was experiencing.

I noticed a difference in the jaw-clenching immediately. Stress is an overwhelming thing if you don’t get it under control. Everyone has different ways of doing that. I added the Stress B Complex to my stress-reducing methods and am thankful I did. Little did I know it had an extra benefit.

That benefit: Being less attractive to mosquitoes. I continued taking Stress B-Complex once a day. When May rolled around and it was gorgeous outside I decided to take a chance and do some yard work. I thought for sure I wouldn’t last 10 minutes.

I spent hours outside and never got a single mosquito bite. None. Zero. I knew those suckers were there. I saw them…. remember, ours are pterodactyl size. They even landed on me!

In the back of my mind I was curious how it was possible I wasn’t getting bitten but at the same time didn’t put much thought into it as long as they weren’t biting the life out of me.

Then one day, scrolling through Facebook, I saw an article about vitamin B-1 and how it deters mosquitoes. You know how you read a gazillion ‘cure’, ‘DIY’, ‘the answer to all your problems’, posts that are garbage? Well this one wasn’t. I had tested out the theory before I even knew about it.

So…. B-Complex is now a daily thing. For me and my kids. I get the kids some multi-vitamin gummies with B vitamin in them. They seem to work so far.

Warning though…..B-Vitamins stink. Like, don’t carry them in your purse even in the bottle because your child might tell you your purse smells like a butt. They should also be taken close to meal or snack time. If not you may get a little burpy.

Here are some links to the products I buy off of Amazon.com. Easy Peasy!

For me:

Nature Made Stress B Complex with Zinc Tablets, 75 Count

For the kids:

Sundown Naturals Kids Star Wars Complete Multivitamin, 60

Cheapest mosquito preventative EVER!!

One more product I will throw in here for pets:

If you are looking for a GREAT flea and tick collar for your dog or cat check out what we use, Seresto, in the link below. 8 months of protection!!

I love the convenience of Amazon, especially Amazon Prime! It is worth not having to go into a stinky pet store.

Seresto Collar Dog Large 70 cm by Seresto

My mom tip

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Some of you may know where I’m going to with this photo. But for those who don’t, this is a picture of a recent “mom tip” I collected.

A recent mom tip. All $1.30 of it.

Years and years ago, my husband sacrificed his truck to help our finances. For those years and years he drove old, beat up, hand-me-down vehicles. The last one didn’t even go in reverse anymore.

So the other day he finally went and got himself a very nice used truck. I can’t express how truly happy I for him. Our family vehicle, an Armada, is on it’s last leg and drives him nuts when he works on it. (I will just get to take it to a mechanic. Haha!) And I get to drive back and forth to work in an F-250….a truck that was brand new when they issued it to me.

I have always felt so bad that he didn’t get to drive it and had to ride around with no heat or air when he went to work. So I am overjoyed that he will now be, not only comfortable, but safe when he’s on the road.

Now…. to talk about the Armada….

I like it. I don’t mind driving the vehicle itself. But holy shit. A nasty car is a pet peeve of mine. Yet ours has gotten NASTY!!!

Why you ask? Because we got into the mindset that it was going to fall apart soon. So we failed to take care of it. We are going, going, going all the time. We live out of it. And I gave up on keeping it clean or expecting anyone else to help keep it clean. My bad and I know it.

So…..here is where the mom tip comes in….

I am cleaning out the Armada today. It is time for the food between the seats (enough to sustain us for at least 3 days!) to go. No more bullcrap garbage, food, socks, pencils, toys, lollipop sticks, etc!!

While cleaning I will find money. Guaranteed. Coins everywhere! And I will keep the money (after washing it, of course.). Because FINDERS KEEPERS!

$1.52

MY MOM TIP.

Slime and more slime

Thanks to YouTube and now Elmer’s smart marketing people, I have spent more money on slime making materials than I am willing to say. Like, this summer was probably more expensive that when we went to the beach….just kidding, I think.

Anyways I wanted to share a discovery I had towards the END of the summer, because, well, I’m an IDIOT. And idiot who RAVES about Amazon Prime, yet chose not to check Amazon for the gallon of Elmer’s glue. Instead she took her kids to Hobby Lobby and spent way more for it….along with 100 other things we didn’t need….because that place sucks you in and spits you out…broke. 

I DID go to Dollar Tree for shaving cream. BOOM!  Because I was being a smart shopper. (Insert Eye-roll here.)

So here it is. Short and sweet. Gallon of Elmer’s glue at Hobby Lobby….$24.99. even with 40% off it isn’t as cheap as Amazon Prime’s $11.99. And that’s got free 2-day shipping…..you’re kids can freakin’ wait….

So here is the link. Be smarter than me!!!

Redneck slip-n-slide

Soooo….. I’m somewhat of  a cheap-ass. I rather DIY most of the time. When it comes to entertaining the kids it’s no different. The cheaper the better. One of their favorite “it’s hot as hell outside”entertainments is the redneck slip-n-slide.

To be truly honest I’ve grown somewhat of a social phobia. (Something else I’ll blog about more in the future.) So the more we do at home or somewhere that doesn’t include a crowd of assholes, the better for my sanity.

One day I went and bought some “waterslides” from “Wal-Maddening” to use in our front yard. To say I was disappointed when I got them out and set up is an understatement. Those damn things didn’t look like they were portraited on the stupid box. Reminded me of a nasty McDoo-Doo hamburger. That crap never looks like it does in their commercials!! That day I said “never again”. And that is when the redneck slip-n-slide became a summer staple at our house.

One thing you should always be able to find on any firetruck is a tarp. We use tarps for a variety of things. Mainly for what we call salvaging….where we cover people’s stuff to reduce water and smoke damage. They are also used when we stage important equipment for rescue operations. Sometimes they are used to make water chutes to divert water.

*The following pics show off a damn good water chute put together by one of my crews on a fire scene. Photo credit goes to Capt W.*

Water chute made by one of my crews to divert water and protect property.

Two pike poles with a huge tarp used to divert water leaking from the floor above.

At our home, tarps are basically used for slip-n-slide and grass killing. Tarps, stakes, a water hose, and some dish soap….BOOM! Hours of entertainment for all the neighborhood kids. The type of entertainment where the adults just take about 15 minutes to set it up and then get a few hours of freedom to drink beer or something…more than one, two, or ten days in a row.

This is the first year I went and bought new tarps and a sprinkler. In years past I just used a knozzle on the hose and set it to where there was just enough pressure to whip it back and forth across the tarp.

I got this awesome sprinkler from Home Depot. It is stationary and has a bunch of water spray patterns. 

Do you have some random items that you seem to have an abundance of? Something that you aren’t sure #1 where they came from and #2 what the heck they are for? Well, I have a supply metal stakes that I have no clue where they came from. Somehow I had about 4 different packs. Perfect for the redneck slip-n-slide!
So here you go….the redneck slip-n-slide.

#1 Find a place that has decent padding. Anywhere with rocky terrain,concrete, or some like traffic is probably NOT a good spot.

#2 Somewhere with an incline is preferable. Anywhere with over about an, ehhh, 86° angle would probably be frowned upon. If you aren’t sure..here is a pic of angles as a reference….

#3 Use some stakes to tack down the first tarp that will be the top of the slide. I’ve been told that running space is necessary to obtain maximum speed…so plan accordingly.

#4 Tuck and tack any other tarp under the one before it….meaning overlap them with the one above being on top. If you don’t understand, sorry. I just confused myself. But I have total confidence that you will figure it out.

#5 Hook up a continuous water supply. No water = tarp burn. 

#6 Throw a bottle of soap out there for them to use. Dollar Store stuff works just fine.

#7 Enjoy some free time to drink some beer or take a nap or whatever.

So there you have it. The redneck slip-n-slide. Hours of unmonitored fun. You’re welcome.

Housework Hell

 

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I wake up every day with the intention on getting shit done. Everything. In one day. Catch it all up. Then maintain it. Have a spotless house.

Um. Ok. Nice dreams. But the reality of it is, I am too lazy. As a matter of fact I’m laying here typing a blog about how lazy I am. A blog about my lack of motivation. Lack of caring. Lack of will power. Lack of, well, alot.

I’m completely opposite of a “successful”, “Pintrest”, “Good Housekeeping” mom. That’s me. You will rarely see me post recipes, DIY stuff (athough I am a DIY freak!!!), fancy decorations, fun-filled vacation, perfect holidays, life hacks, etc.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m successful enough that my kids get food, shelter, and clothing. I have managed to keep them, my husband, our 2 dogs, and our snake alive so far….along with somewhat clean and dressed. And I’ve made some pretty kick-ass stuff all by myself.

I am just baffled at why, as women, we put so much pressure on ourselves? The stupid thing is I care NONE about how my girlfriend’s homes look like. It makes no difference to me in how I view them.

So why in the hell do I beat myself up for my mess? Why can’t I let adult people over? Or ask for some help?  The intent is there. The guilt is definitely there. I just have no motivation. It’s overwhelming. The mess. The disorder. The idea of fixing it for it to just get wrecked again.

Maintenance WAS the key. Notice I put “was” in bold. That’s because I used to have my shit together. Now it is so overwhelming I don’t even try and start.

I guess for now I need to lay off myself. I get the basics done. That’s more than some people do. My house is always full of neighborhood kids. That’s got to say something good about me, right?

I should follow the advice I give my friends when they are overwhelmed.

“Just embrace the glorious mess that you are.”

Be messy. Live life. Straighten it all out later.