So when I pulled in the driveway last night I saw a cat laying there on the edge of the asphalt. I noticed the poor thing didn’t move even when my headlights hit it. So I pulled up the driveway and parked. Cat hadn’t budged. How strange! So I got out sayin’ “hey sweet kitty”. I figured it was sick or injured.
Nope. It’s was the newspaper.
I’m the size of a man. I own multiple guns. I’m certified as a cop and would defend one in a heart beat. I’ve arrest complete psycho (arsonist are CRAZY!!!) I’ve run into burning buildings so many times I lost count. I even pulled a 4 year old out of one. Heck, I even own a snake!
But my co-worker, Telly, has unintentionly startled me 463 times and at least 7 of those times I may have wet my pant.
When I was the Captain on an engine company we we’re responding to some sort of fire alarm. As we approached one of the bridges that crosses the river, I saw a guy hanging off the side of it.
I pointed him out and while my crew was desperately trying to find where I was pointing I reached for the radio to call for our platform truck to respond. Where the guy was clinging to the side of the bridge was still over land and it was reachable with the platform. My plan was perfect.
Except for the fact that he was just a shadow.
Back in 2012, the fire department got a new knock-on system. For those unaware, that is what we call the lights and tones that come on in the firehall to alert us of a call.
This new system was shocking to say the least and hard to get used to. Your heart ended up in your throat when it went off.
My bunk in the firehall was a room big enough for a twin bed and small table. It also had a small bathroom with a small corner shower.
Shortly after we got that damn system, it went off in the middle of the night. I shot out of my bed in a panic and ended up in the shower yelling “How do I get out of here???!!!
Back in college my friend and I were at the gym on treadmills next to each other. At some point I looked at her to talk and my foot came off the side of the belt. I stumbled off the side but stayed upright. No big deal.
Until I immediately put one foot back on the treadmill….that was still moving. That time I landed on my face and burned the crap out of my legs on the moving belt.
On a fire scene one time, out of the corner of my eye, I thought a ditch full of water with grass clippings floating on it was solid ground. I stepped over a supply line right into the ditch. Upper thigh deep. Turned my ankle.
Just call me “Grace”.